Age when it happend: 13
Where it happened: home
Like many who grew up in the 50’s and 60’s, sex was a taboo subject in my family. I don’t recall that it was ever discussed or even that I was all that curious about it really. My parents were divorced, and so it was left to my mother to tell me about the facts of life. The “talk” pretty much was “When a man and a woman love each other they, well, sleep together”. That was it. I was just 13, and I only remember wondering, “What was that all about?”. I did have some vague knowledge of sex, though mostly of the sort that anything dealing with “down there” was “dirty”.
Some time after that, a few months before my 14th birthday, I remember getting my first erection. I had been in the hospital several days with a kidney infection, and on the morning that I was to go home I woke up with a funny/achy feeling “down there”, kind of like I needed to pee. I knew there was something wrong. I pulled back the covers and looked down to see a bulge in my pajamas. I hurried to the bathroom, and when I pulled my pajamas down, I was confused and a little afraid to see my penis sticking almost straight up. My first thought was that this was some weird result of the kidney infection. No way was I going to tell anyone. I wasn’t about to risk staying another day in the hospital. Besides, it did feel rather nice, it didn’t hurt, and eventually the erection subsided. I figured everything was ok.
However, over the next couple of weeks or so (not sure how long), I started getting erections more and more frequently. I couldn’t tell anyone. It was all too embarrassing. I felt guilty because I did like the feeling and wanted to touch “down there” and knew that was Wrong, and I just didn’t know what was going on.
Of all things, I was watching the Wild, Wild West Show (the TV series, not the movie, this being the 1960’s remember). During a commercial I got up to look for something (not sure what) in the bedroom I shared with my brother. I noticed some magazines under his bed which turned out to be Playboys. Naïve as I was, I had no idea what they were. I still remember that the cover of the first one I looked at had a woman holding a pistol. Puzzled, I opened it, and it fell open to the centerfold. I literally stopped breathing, and I’m pretty sure my heart stopped, too. Except for some grainy photos in a National Geographic, I had never seen a naked woman before. I knew it was wrong to look, but I was helpless to stop. Curiously, I felt myself grow incredibly hard.
I don’t know how long I sat on my bed avidly looking at those Playboys. At least an hour, probably longer, and I think I had an erection the entire time. Long enough that my erection had become painful, and the urge to rub myself was overwhelming. I resisted for awhile, because, of course, that would have been “dirty”. But then it occurred to me that since I was wearing pants, I wouldn’t really be rubbing me, just the pants. Still pouring over the Playboys, I began pressing down on myself, and the feeling was electric. Which only seemed to make the painful ache worse while at the same time making it more pleasurable. I decided that the problem was that my pants were too tight, and I’d feel better with them off. Besides, since I had underwear on, I still wouldn’t be touching me, just the underwear so it would still be ok. I was very pleased with my logic.
When I pulled of my pants, however, I saw a large wet spot where a clear liquid was seeping through my underwear. I was sure that the kidney infection had come back. I quickly pulled down my underwear to look and was a little scared by how red and swollen I was. There was that clear liquid oozing out of my penis that I didn’t know what to make of. But I ached so much I instinctively cupped my testicles, squeezing, holding my penis. The feeling was so intensely delicious that I fell back on the bed. I didn’t care if there was an infection. I started pressing more and more, rubbing, almost frantically, an indescribable pleasure washing over me. I imagined one of the playmates pressing, rubbing, kissing, then suddenly a deep spasm, like something opening inside, a throbbing pulse began to well up…
My eyes flew open in a panic. I was going to pee the bed. I practically levitated off that mattress on to the floor. Vainly held tight to keep from peeing, felt my penis begin to pump, a bit of liquid squirted out, ecstasy, my knees buckled and kneeling I watched this white stuff begin to spurt and spurt and spurt… I truly think I might have blacked out for a moment. What I remember next is being on hands and knees, wondering about the white stuff on the floor, and feeling ashamed and guilty. I didn’t know what had just happened, but I vowed it would never happen again. A vow that lasted all of 3 days. Fortunately, before too long, I learned that I had done nothing Wrong. And that I didn’t have a kidney infection. (end of part 1)