Where it happened: His Room
I don’t want to sit here and tell you some unique, erotic story, because the truth is, my first time was not in the least bit unique or erotic. I just want to finally tell the truth on how it really was and what really happened, no crap stories, and I’m doing it to get it off my mind finally, not to arrouse everyone out there reading this.
One evening I got in a huge fight with my father and I ended up losing control of myself and running away for the second time in my life. I spent the night at my good friend Davie’s house. I went to school the next day and I told my best friend Sara what happened. She said that I should call my mom and tell her that I was spending the night at Sara’s that night so she wouldn’t worry.
I went to her house after school that day, and we did the normal stuff, homework, television, music, talking, etc. It got late and her brother still wasn’t home from partying yet. So I hopped in the shower at around ten thirty and got ready to go to bed. Sara and I were laying on our separate beds just talking when Bryan, Sara’s brother came home. He barged into her room and asked me if I had a cigarette to give him. I did, so he told me to go outside and smoke with him. I asked Sara to join us, but she said she was tired and wanted to get some sleep. So Bryan and I went outside together.
The necessary background information must be included here: Bryan and I are two aquaintences whose personalities just really do not mesh well together. He has always been a semi-asshole to me along with everyone else and I just mostly ignored him. I had never liked him even though he is gorgeous. Other background information about myself that is needed to know: I have always been curious about sex, but at the same time, I wanted it to be special because I don’t think losing your virginity is something to be taken lightly.
So Bryan and I were talking outside, chainsmoking, for about an hour. He was so sweet and so kind to me, and we learned a lot about each other. Too bad it was probably all just an act. During the conversation he asked if I had ever thought about kissing him. I told him that I had once or twice when I first met him, but not for a long time. That question right there should have given me my first hint that he didn’t have the best intentions.
Well it was midnight and I was cold so I told Bryan that I was going inside. He followed me, told me to be quiet because his parents were sleeping, and asked if I wanted to go down to his room for awhile. I should have said no, but I figured because of our past, nothing terrible would happen. So we traveled down to his room in the basement. I layed on his bed while he got ready for bed.
Bryan came and layed down next to me when he was ready for bed and we were looking at the pictures on his wall and talking. The next thing I know, is we are laying there looking at each other and about to fall asleep when he leans over and kisses me. It was the best kiss that I have ever received in my life. He then whispers to me, “Can I give you oral fixation.” I will never forget him saying that, the way he said it, it was so adorable, yet so sexy. At first I declined, but he slowly talked me into it.
I am not going to give everyone the gory details of exactly how each act was done, most of you know, I’m trying to focus more on the feelings and emotions because most people here focus on the actual act which doesn’t seem to be half as important.
By the time he had finished, I was so hot and bothered, that I just kind of blurted out, “Let’s have sex.” I threw all my previous wants and morals out the window for a kid I didn’t even care about, just so I could see what the physicality of it all was like. He told me that he wasn’t pressuring me to do anything and he said that he didn’t want a relationship, and I knew and told him I felt the same.
Bryan laid out blankets so I wouldn’t get everything all messy, put on his condom, and that was that. We had sex. It was meaningless, it meant nothing. I do have to say that the physical act of sex is great. It didn’t hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would, only when he pushed really hard and really fast and I would wince and he would ask if I was okay and I’d nod and it would continue on. But it felt wonderful. I have to admit, if I could throw all of the emotions and regret I had away, I would definitely do it all of the time.
But the point of my story is that it hurt so bad that I was used and that he used me. Sex should mean more than that and people should think about what they are doing because that physical feeling for a short period of time is not worth the emotions and regret that continuously stay on your mind.